04. Business Meeting Etiquette

Intro from Narrator
HBR surveyed 182 senior managers in a range of industries: 65% said meetings keep them from completing their own work. 71% said meetings are unproductive and inefficient. 64% said meetings come at the expense of deep thinking. 62% said meetings miss opportunities to bring the team closer together.
A word about meetings in generalThe scene opens with KK, a boss talking to three of his subordinates, who are marketing/sales associates. The atmosphere is sombre, and downbeatKK:
So, we lost the bid. That’s strange, considering we were better that any of the other firms competing. And the client has worked with us before, and knows what we’re capable of delivering. I reached out to the client in my capacity to see what we could salvage. They didn’t say much, but something about the last meeting we had with them really rubbed them the wrong way. The last meeting we had with the client, is the one I asked all three of you to attend two weeks ago – the one I couldn’t join you on.On the other side of the table, Akash Megha and Prithvi exchange concerned looks.
Prithvi
Do we have any specific clues on what went wrong?
KK
No, the client didn’t elaborate on anything. We’ll have to figure that out for ourselves, unfortunately
Megha
We’re so sorry this is happening, KK. We’ve let you down, and I feel horrible about it.

Akash
(chips in)
Yes, KK. We take full responsibility here and accept all the consequences.
KK
I like that you’re taking ownership of the issue. But this is not about finding a scapegoat. I want to make sure this does not happen ever again.
(All three nod their heads in agreement)

KK
We may have lost the client, but let’s not lose the lesson, if we can help it. I know you guys are good at what you do – I have seen you perform fabulously in my time with you. We can’t win every battle, but let’s not lose opportunities to learn from our mistakes.
So, let’s look at what happened back there under a microscope, in a blame free manner. As such, I need you to be completely honest and candid with me and yourselves. Can you do this?
(All three)
Yes, KK.
KK
Good. Now, let’s start at the beginning. When did we receive the meeting invite from the client. Hang on, I received that invite too (opens his laptop).
(Megha opens her laptop, and everyone refers to it)
Megha
We received it exactly a month ago, on the 27th of May. The meeting was scheduled a week later, on the 3rd of June. The subject line says the client wanted to discuss product specifications.
KK
(looks up from his laptop at the trio)
And what did you do on receiving this email?

Prithvi
We scheduled it in our calendars, of course.

KK
And then?

(All three look at each other in mild confusion)
Akash
Er……then……we……waited for the meeting day to arrive? (all of them laugh a little)
(KK smiles broadly)
I know it sounds like a silly question. You’ll see where I’m coming from in a minute. (Looks at Megha). Megha, when you spoke to me earlier today, you mentioned you were surprised to see the client’s entire team at the meeting.
Megha
Yeah! Yeah, I was. (looks at Prithvi) We all were. We were expecting a one-on-one meeting with the client as always in a quiet meeting room. Instead, here we had walked into a massive board room, will all the Heads of Departments in it. And when we walked in…
KK
(interrupts)
Sorry,Megha. We’ll talk about what actually happened at the meeting later. We were discussing what happened when you first received the invite for the meeting, yes? What if I told you the client had actually mentioned on the agenda that his entire team would be meeting with you? And what’s more, he wanted to discuss deployment of the product under special conditions. That’s mentioned there too. I presume you saw none of this.
(The three look at each other in shock)
Megha
Uhm…no, KK. We didn’t see all this. If we did, we’d be prepared for questions…
Prithvi
…instead, we ended up parking most his questions, and promised to get back to him later.
Akash
We assumed this would be the standard product specification presentation, like all the others we handle all the time.

Prithvi
You know, I’m wondering why I was even there. I’m sales operations. I usually come in after Megha and Akash have closed the deal. There was nothing I could contribute to at that meeting.
KK
(Looks at Prithvi)
So Prithvi, if you felt you couldn’t contribute in any way , why did you go? Why didn’t you excuse yourself or clarify why you were needed there?
Prithvi
(sheepishly)
Um…it didn’t occur to me to do that. I thought it couldn’t hurt if I was there.
KK
Hmm. We’ll see. It appears the client just picked up your email addresses from a previous meeting invite where Prithvi was invited too.
(turns to the other two, and smiles)
Okay. What have we learnt from this? Any rules we can lay down for future?
Megha
Yes. For starters, it pays to be prepared for meetings. And ensure you really can contribute.
Narrator:
The first rule of business meeting etiquette is
Be prepared (and don’t attend for the sake of it)

Looking at what happened with KKs team so far, one thing is clear – If you are invited to a meeting, your work begins way before you ever step into that meeting room. You’d do well to identify the primary meeting agenda beforehand. You must be more than up to speed on what it entails. If you have queries that are relevant to the subject matter at hand, note them down at this stage. And if you aren’t clear why you are called upon to attend, ask for clarification, and if there’s really nothing you can contribute, it is good etiquette to decline the meeting request.
KK
Fair enough. Okay so then (looks at Akash and teases)……you……waited for the meeting day to arrive. (Same intonation that Akash used when he was being a smart ass earlier)
(all laugh)
KK
Okay. Peace. Let’s fast forward to the day of the meeting. The invite said 11am. I assume you were on time?
(Everyone looks at each other)
Megha
Er…no. We were 20 mins late.
KK
Why? What happened?
Prithvi
Once at the client site, we had to get our visitor’s ID cards done. We forgot how tedious that process is at the client’s place.
Megha
Here’s what I was about to say earlier, KK. When we walked into a board room, not a cosy meeting room like we imagined, there was a full group of operations heads with the client waiting for us. And they were very keen to start, given that we had just over an hour with them. We had to skip introductions, and the client started talking about his special conditions and requirements under which our product was to be deployed.

KK
Okay. Stop for a second. Do you see the trouble you caused yourself by this point?
Akash
Yes. Honestly, we should have tried to get there earlier. That way, it would might have less of a shock to all our collective senses. We would have had time to set up our own presentations, and very importantly, make introductions and establish a basic level of rapport. That mistake probably cost us a lot.
KK
Yes. I’ll bet on it.
Narrator:
Rule 2: Be on time
If you have established that you are really needed at the meeting, aim to arrive at least 10 minutes before the start of the meeting. Most people suppress expressing their thoughts in meetings for fear of sounding awkward. At the very least, getting some time to acclimatise yourself to the meeting atmosphere, go over your notes and build basic rapport with the chairperson and people already there will boost your confidence levels when it comes to you being seen as a contributor.
KK
You mentioned the client started speaking about his special requirements. Considering you weren’t expecting to tackle this conversation given that you overlooked it in the invite email, what did you do?
Prithvi
I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t even know what I was doing there.
Megha
At first, I remember the client asking a few pointed questions. Then his team started asking questions too. Akash and I tried answering a few questions, but we got the sense that our responses weren’t detailed enough, so we offered to park questions we couldn’t answer and get back to them.

KK
Fair enough. Did you make a note of the questions?
Megha
(looking at Prithvi) Yes, we asked Prithvi to record the questions.
KK
(looks at Prithvi) I’ll come back to you in just a second. (Looks at Megha and Akash) But did you make any notes for yourselves? Things like exact phrases, figures and quotes that were being stated? You could have then compared notes at the end of the session for accuracy.
Megha
Um, no. I’m so sorry, KK

Narrator:
Rule 3: Take notes. Record important points
Taking notes in a meeting has numerous benefits. You can compare notes with the Minutes of Meetings sent out at the end, or with your colleagues. Oftentimes, the notes you make could be about an important point or idea that may not get officially recorded in an MoM, or might spark an idea later on. Moreover, it has the added advantage of signalling to the chairperson that you are really attentive and paying attention to what they have to say.

KK
That’s fine. Just want to remind everyone everyone that this is a blame-free exercise. We’re just trying to learn what mistakes we can avoid making in future.
(looks at Prithvi)
So, you were placed in charge of notes. Please tell me you noted all the parked questions down.
(all three look at each other)
KK
(laughs)
You know, everytime you three look at each other like that, I just know this adventure is about to get even more intense. Tell me, Prithvi, what misfortune befell you? +++++ Part 1

Prithvi
(embarrassed)
I got a phone call…from one of my stakeholders. And…I…decided…to take it.
KK
(chuckling) Really? Tell me exactly what happened.
Prithvi
Well, I picked up the call, gestured to Megha to continue the note making exercise, mouthed a ‘Sorry’ to the chairperson, and stepped out of the room.
KK
So, you were 20 mins late to an hour-long meeting – that’s a third of everyone’s time gone- and in the time left, you decided to take a call? Why?
Prithvi
To be honest, KK, I thought my time was better spent dealing with issues that needed my input and presence. I know now that I shouldn’t have gone there in the first place, but at that time, I just decided it was better for me to answer that call.
KK
Fair enough. But could you have managed that whole episode better?
Prithvi
Yea, I guess. I could have scheduled all my calls around this meeting. And I should have silenced my cellphone.
KK
(looks questioningly at the other two)
Megha
No, no. We didn’t take any calls. Our phones were silenced.
KK
So you stepped out and took the call. How long were you gone?
Prithvi
About five minutes or less
KK
Was that the end of that particular disaster?
Akash
Actually, no. (looks at Prithvi) Sorry, Prithvi, I forgot to mention this earlier. When you stepped back into the boardroom, you were still saying your goodbyes and you were laughing. The client just stopped and stared at you while you walked over and joined us.
Prithvi
(touches his forehead, thoroughly embarrassed)
My stakeholder said something funny, and I…you know… never mind. I screwed up.
Narrator:
Rule 4: Silence that Smartphone (or in case of emergencies, be civil about answering it)
Make sure your phone is on silent to eliminate any external distractions. And if you’ve managed to arrange a meet another client during the planned meeting time, you’re the one with the poor planning and you need to manage your time better.
On the other hand, if you really, really need to take a call, indicate to the chairperson “I’m so sorry, but I really have to take this call. I would never have interrupted you if it wasn’t critically important”. The chairperson is bound to understand. When you return to your seat, do so quickly and noiselessly.

KK
Okay, let’s move on. You guys have been very detailed so far. Thank you. It’s helping, I hope you see that. (everyone nods thoughtfully)
Good. Now what happened next?
Akash
A few minutes later, for some reason, one of the client’s team members directed a question directly at Prithvi.

Prithvi
It was a marketing-related question. Of course, I had no idea what to say. So I looked at Megha…
Megha
…and I answered that question. That happened a couple of times, actually. We didn’t think much of it back then, but now, I think it looked a little awkward, for sure.
KK
Yes, if you had time for proper introductions at the start, this might have been avoided, no?
Akash
And for that, we should have reached the meeting on time.
Prithvi
There’s a lesson in there for me too. I had no business being in that meeting. If I had declined the meeting request, we would have been in a much stronger position at that meeting with just Akash and Megha there. And we’d have one less ID card to get done – that’s time saved.
KK
Hmm. All true. Now, considering most of what the client was saying was new territory to you, I’m sure you had many questions of your own for them. Did you get them answered?
(All three look at each other)
KK
(laughs heartily)
There’s that look again. (shakes his head from side to side) What happened this time?
Akash
We waited for the meeting to end to ask our questions once and for all. We thought we’d rather not interrupt the client. But when the end of the meeting approached, people started leaving. When we asked questions, the relevant people had already left. And the client couldn’t stay back after the meeting, but he offered to compile the answers for us, if we sent him our questions. I emailed him the questions as soon as the meeting was over.
KK
And gauging from the look you three exchanged, you didn’t get those answers, did you?
Megha
No, we waited. And then tried to follow up, but the client was too busy.
Narrator:
Rule 5: Ask questions and participate (Don’t wait till the end)
Ask your questions at the appropriate time. Ask your questions at the appropriate time. Do not be the person who starts “asking questions” when everyone’s getting ready to go. That’s just irritating.
You might find yourself in a position where have much to contribute or clarify. Don’t hesitate – raise your hand and make a point or wait for your turn. At the same time, it is discourteous to dominate a conversation. Therefore pace and spread out your inputs during a meeting. But ensure that you do contribute and engage in the conversation.

And do participate. It’s what’s expected of you, and why you were invited. An effective communication technique when you don’t have much to say is to link your comments in response to other people. This technique is commonly used in improvisation and is called ‘Yes, And…’ You affirm what another person is saying and add on to or take their idea one step further. This results in people feeling heard and in turn listening to you too.

KK
Were there any other action points for us? Did you have a rough draft of an MoM in place?
Megha
No, but the client offered to send us the Mom
KK
And let me guess. That never came through either. And I don’t believe we pursued it aggressively enough, because of our comfort zone with this client. Is that correct?
(All three nod in agreement)
Rule 6: Aggressively Follow through on your assigned action items.

Just as it is important to arrive
prepared, be sure to complete any assignments going forward. When dealing with customers, offer to compile your notes on the meeting. In case of a meeting with office colleagues, ask when you can expect a minutes of meeting to be circulated. This paints you in the light of a contributor, as opposed to just another mute spectator.

KK
So we never could really demonstrate our value to our client at that meeting, where his whole team was present, could we? Nor did we capitalise on that last opportunity to redeem our image at that meeting?
(All three nod from side to side)
Akash
You’re referring to a follow-up or thank you note, aren’t you?
KK
(smiles like a sage and rests back in his chair) Yes
Narrator

Rule 7: Send a follow-up note, or at the very least, a thank you note
No matter what happens at a meeting, or how it turns out for you, this is an opportunity to build or even salvage a relationship that shouldn’t be missed. In the case of KK’s team for instance Writing a note to thank their client for their time, the opportunity to meet, and in this case, apologising for not being able to answer all questions there, and assuring them of best services could have maybe saved the company’s image if not the lost contract.

KK
(Sighs, smiles and looks at all of them)
Let me tactically review this situation. We weren’t prepared for that meeting, we didn’t know who we were meeting or what they wanted, we didn’t get there on time, as a result of which we looked underprepared and awkward, we had no convincing answers for them, we couldn’t ask them diagnostic questions that would indicate we could help them in any way, we gathered no notes and although we followed up with the client for a minutes of meeting, none came through, as a result of which we couldn’t do much. And of course, we didn’t send a thank you or follow up note that just might have bought us some time to reverse any damage.
(Everyone looks down in shame)
KK
It seems the client team had met other vendors and were urgently looking to make a final choice, and they saved what they thought was their best option for last. Us.
I’m guessing the client and his team made the decision to go with another vendor within a couple of days after our meeting. That’s why they didn’t bother with MoMs or further engagement. But honestly, are you still surprised we didn’t get that contract?
(everyone nods their head from side to side)
KK
It’s okay. What’s done is done. (looks at everyone’s sombre faces, and jokes) I don’t think any of us are eligible for employee of the quarter though. (Everyone laughs).
Akash
Yeah, and we won’t hold my breath hoping for an outstanding appraisal rating either.
KK
Yea, I’ll join that club. (they laugh again)
(When they settle, Megha quips)
Megha
This is an eye-opener for me. Each of our mistakes handling that meeting was harmless by itself, some of them we couldn’t really control, but they all added up and finally resulted in such a disastrous consequence. KK, this is never going to happen to me again, I promise.
KK
I know, Megha. (looks at the rest of them) And I’m going to hold you to it.
In Summary:
We’ve touched down on all the bases required to observe and maintain the proper decorum – before, during, and after a meeting. Eventually, you might find yourself in the chairperson’s shoes and would expect all of this from the people invited. So, ensure you do what you expect.

To summarise, here are those rules for you:

1. Be prepared (and don’t go for the sake of it)
2. Be on time
3. Take notes. Record important points
4. Silence your phone and proper excuse etiquette
5. Ask questions and participate (Don’t wait till the end)
6. Ask for a MoM, or offer to send one
7. Send a follow up, or thank you note

Here’s wishing you many productive meetings in future. For now please scroll down and take the quiz.

Add a dialogue of Prithvi realising he shouldn’t have gone there.