02. Why ‘Feeling Good’ is Critical to the Success of the Appraisal Dialogue
The success of conversations, especially critical conversations, depends on chemistry. Quite literally – as in chemical reactions.
And it’s completely within your control.
Take this lesson to learn how to succeed in critical conversations using chemistry.
Lesson Format I  Video |
Transcript Provided? I  Yes |
Lesson Duration I  2:28 |
Followed by an Assessment? I  Yes |
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Why ‘Feeling Good’ is Critical to the Success of a Critical Conversation
It’s all about the chemicals!
As humans, conversations that make us feel good trigger higher levels of the chemicals dopamine, oxytocin, endorphins, and other biochemicals that make us feel good.
Conversations we perceive to be an attack on our well-being, produce high levels of cortisol in our brain, a hormone that shuts down the prefrontal cortex, that part of the brain that enables logical thinking. Instead, we freeze, run away from the conflict or get aggressive.
Trigger Oxytocin release
During a critical conversation then, you’d do well to trigger the release of the neurotransmitter oxytocin, which is associated with bonding, and collaboration. It’s how you can best influence thought and action.
How to trigger Oxytocin release
In a nutshell, create a safe space for your colleague. Here are a few tips that you can follow:
- Adopt a pleasant disposition
- Maintain open body language
- Let people know that the purpose of the conversation is to find a way forward, and not to find fault
- Ask questions, and then listen; both with the intention of truly understanding
- Validate people’s feelings, even if you do not accept the logic behind their reasoning
- Make the conversation and the creation of every plan a dialogue, rather than a monologue
- Obtain buy-in. Don’t force ideas and plans down people’s throats
- Have patience. People take time to change. Be open to having the conversation multiple times, if needed
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