03. The Need for Managers to Handle Critical Conversations Well Copy
As a manager, you will come across situations wherein critical and difficult conversations will be a must. How you handle the entire conversation with can be a deciding factor about the future relationship that you share with your team member. Critical conversations are difficult and need a level of flair and thought process to be put into it.
Take this lesson as we look at a caselet and watch how critical conversations can take an ugly turn and escalate quickly.
Happy Learning!
Critical Conversations. Everyone’s seemingly talking about them.
But are critical conversations overhyped?
Are we according to the more important than warranted?
We will answer these questions by viewing this interaction between Vivek and his manager Arun*.
Monday, 10.00 am: Arun’s Cabin
Arun anxiously scrolls down the promotion list that had been published a few minutes ago.
Arun (disappointed; talking to self): “Oh no! Vivek has not been promoted.”
An email notification pops up on his laptop: (sound byte accordingly)
Sub: Regarding Vivek’s IJP Application
Dear Arun,
By now, you would know that your team member, Vivek has not been promoted.
Sure, Vivek is a jovial and hard-working person and an excellent performer who has been with the company for over ten years.
However, the IJP governing committee felt that although Vivek’s technical know-how and team management skills are excellent, his client handling skills need improvement. The promotion has been awarded to a strong contender whose management as well as client handling skills are excellent.
I thought this information would help you better manage Vivek’s disappointment.
Regards,
Naina Rao
Head, IJP Committee
Arun (to himself): “This missed promotion was going to be a huge blow to Vivek. I’ll have to talk this over with him. But, the discussion will have to wait. I’ve got too many things going on right now. I’ll pick it up with him sometime later. Vivek must be furious right now. Talking to him might further aggravate the matter. Besides, I hate these conversations, anyways.”
Nine days later
Wednesday, 11:15 am
Arun receives a call on his phone. He answers it.
Radhika: Hi Arun
Arun: Hi Radhika, what’s up?
Radhika: Arun, you would have noticed Vivek behaving rudely towards colleagues and clients alike.
Arun: I have, and I know that it is because of the IJP failure.
Radhika: Yes, in a way, it is. But he’s more disappointed that you have not addressed it with him for so long. He feels you are not taking his career seriously enough.
Arun: That’s not true. I do care.
Radhika: Then, my suggestion is that you should speak to him about it.
Wednesday, 11:30 am: Vivek’s Cubicle
Arun walked into Vivek’s cubicle. He seemed to be tense and skittish.
Arun (smiling): Vivek, we’ve got to talk.
Vivek: (Looks up from his system with a blank expression and replies in a deadpan voice) “Sure.”
Arun (still smiling pleasantly): “Haven’t seen you around for a few days… How have you been?”
Vivek (unreadable expression): “I was on leave. I’m ok.”
Arun (still smiling, though it seemed a bit strained): “Good… so… I’ve been wanting to speak to you about your IJP, but I got really busy last week.”
Vivek (seemingly uninterested, but guarded, facing his laptop, not making eye contact): “Sure. You’re a busy man. I understand.”
Arun (slight irritation showing on his face): “Looks like you’re not interested in this conversation.”
Vivek (temper suddenly flaring, taking a deep breath, turning to look at Arun with hurt and accusation in his eyes): “You knew how important this promotion was to me. Yet, you didn’t even bother to ask me how I’ve been taking the IJP failure. Makes me feel like you didn’t care enough!”
Vivek had said that out aloud. At this point, people around his cubicle looked up curiously.
Arun (angry and insulted; in a raised voice): “Of course I care! I was just giving you some time and space to cool off. You are normally a jovial, easy-going person, after all.”
Vivek (voice raising): “I don’t need time and space. I need a valid explanation for my IJP rejection. I applied for the promotion because I deserved it. I fit the promotion criteria perfectly. I don’t understand how this role was given to someone else. The only reason I can think of is – you didn’t try enough on my behalf.”
Arun (voice dipping down to a dangerously): “Are you accusing me of not building up a solid case for you?”
Vivek (voice raising): “What else could it be?”
Arun (loudly): “There is a reason, and it’s a solid one. You are technically sound, but your client handling skills leave a lot of be desired. You have to admit that you heavily rely on Radhika to convince clients. The other contender, the one who got the promotion over you, comes with relevant experience from various companies, has a stellar industry reputation, is an excellent people manager, and to top it all, he is amazing at handling clients. He absolutely deserves this promotion. It was not an unfair decision.”
Vivek (forlorn): “I have given ten long years to this company. I worked day and night for the success of our team. I even dedicated my spare time to help everyone around me succeed. I thought we were building something together. Seems like I was wrong.”
Arun (calming down slightly, but irritated): “Vivek, please stop overthinking and overreacting. This situation must be handled logically and in a mature manner. Being emotional will get you nowhere. It’s just an IJP failure. Not the end of the world. So, please get over it, and move on.”
Vivek (anger flaring, sarcastic tone): “Oh yeah, you are the best guide on how to not be emotional about matters and sweep them under the carpet.”
Arun and Vivek stared at each other in anger for a couple of seconds, before Arun got up and stormed out of the cubicle.
One week later:
Vivek; at the coffee machine. “Arun thought I’d let you know that I am looking for another job. I feel no desire to work here any more.”
Arun looks dejectedly at Vivek.
——————–
Well, that didn’t end too well, now, did it?
And what is the lesson here for all of us managers? Ah, that’s what we will look at in the next lesson.