Putting It All Together
Could positive language would have made a difference to the way Sushmita came away from that conversation we had seen earlier? Let’s pick up the conversation right where it began the last time:
Government Official: Yes, what I can do for you?
Sushmita: I have opened a new business and am trying to register the business name. I filled out the forms three weeks ago, but I haven’t heard anything from your office.
Government Official: I see. That’s a long time, you should have heard from us by now. I’ll check this for you. What’s your docket number?
Sushmita gives it to the official. The government official accesses the application on their system.
Government official: (looks at his system, looks back at Sushmita and says) “Okay, I see it! Ma’am, it appears we needed some important information to process your request, that we didn’t find on your form. We noticed that some sections of the form were incomplete.
Narrator: Notice there are no ‘you’ statements here. The official uses ‘I/We’ statements. This does not sound accusatory and does not provoke defensiveness.
Government official: (Searches a pile of papers) Here is your original form. I see there are two more signatures required, and if we could get an attested copy of your business papers, I’ll resume the process right away. Would you have those documents with you?”
Narrator: Here the official focuses on what they can do, not on what cannot be done.
Sushmitha: Oh! Well…yes…(signs the form and provides attested copies)…
Sushmita: (submits the form) You know, your forms need to be clearer and more specific. Why didn’t anyone call me about this before? It’s been three weeks…
Government Official: (Accepts the form) Sorry Ma’am. I’ll note your feedback on the form design and send it through the right channels. Currently, we only send out intimation by mail, which was done. I gather you haven’t received it at all.
Sushmita: (rolls her eyes) Well, no.
Government Official: (smiles politely and Says nothing) It’s terrible you’re going through this experience. But you’re with me now, and I’ll fix this for you. (Takes the form, checks it quickly and nods approval). That looks fine. I’ll put in a note on our system asking for our teams to process your case on priority, if possible, given the circumstances.
Narrator: And here the government official stresses on positive actions that could lead to reasonable positive outcomes.
Sushmita: (nods)
Government Official: Is there anything else I can help you with today?
Sushmita: No.
Government Official: Thank you, ma’am. And all the very best with your new business (with a smile)
Narrator: And the government finds an opportunity to deliver a positive statement, a healthy oxytocin dose.
Narrator: Sushmita muttered a cursory ‘thank you’ and walked away. The thought of a complaint letter never crossed her mind.
In Summary
Using positive language in communication can potentially trigger a dose of oxytocin for the recipient. As a communicator, you really want this.
The alternative is negative language, that is uncaring, implies blame on the other person and, by contrast, can trigger negative emotions and responses from the recipient. And these effects linger well after the conversation is over.
So, here’s how to use positive language in conversation:
1. Substitute You statements with I statements
2. Always emphasize what you (or your company) can do to help
3. Stress positive actions and positive consequences that can be anticipated
Good luck with it!
