In the previous part of this lesson, we explored the usage of “I” statements, in addition to the AOA model, to provide feedback when one is hurt.
This part of the lesson explains the importance of “I” statements and how they can help one convey feedback in a manner that is non-offensive, and that can be easily accepted and worked upon by the person at the end of the feedback.
Browse the video to learn more and don’t forget to take the quiz at the end of the lesson.
Using “I” Statements to Provide Feedback When You are Hurt
An I-Statement is a communication that declares the beliefs, feelings, and actions of the speaker or sender. In contrast to I-statements are You Statements which focus on the feelings, actions, and beliefs of the recipient. For example, “I feel belittled when I am spoken harshly to in public” illustrates an I-statement. “You belittled me by speaking harshly to me in public” is a You-statement.
You-statements, however well-intentioned, sound accusatory and condemnatory. They most often make the recipient feel threatened, which, in turn, makes them raise their guard and get defensive. The entire conversation can then spiral out of control.
The verbiage that you employed, You-statements, no matter how accurately they describe what transpired between you the person you are providing the feedback to, will mostly fail to obtain the change in behaviour or situation that you had intentioned.
I ‘statements, on the other hand, communicates your perspective or experience of the situation, which appears far less threatening and offensive to them. The chances that your feedback will work is thus higher, as you had observed earlier in Aamir’s case.
In Conclusion
Use I-statements when providing feedback. It will greatly improve the chances that your feedback will be accepted.
