This lesson covers a few practical steps you could take to imbibe the facets of Agreeableness for yourself.
Please take the accompanying quiz once you’re done with the lesson.
High Achievement III: Imbibing Agreeableness
In the first lesson in this course, we spoke about the connection between Achievement and:
- Managing self for high achievement
- Managing people for high achievement
- Cultivating an environment conducive for high achievement
We covered ‘Managing Self in a two-part lesson previously. In this lesson, we’ll examine the role of the trait of Agreeableness in Managing People for High Achievement.
Agreeableness, you’ll remember, includes attributes such as trust, selflessness, straightforwardness, and modesty. People who are high in agreeableness tend to be more cooperative while those low in this trait tend to be more competitive, have little interest in other people’s problems or feelings and seen as being manipulative.
Here’re a few practical steps you could take to develop the facets of Agreeableness for yourself.
1. Be Straightforward
Linguistics professor Robin Lakoff suggested the “Rules of Pragmatic Competence” for socially acceptable language. The rules are these: Be clear and be polite. Simple enough, but some of us tend to err on the side of politeness, giving up clarity. Lakoff wrote, “when clarity conflicts with politeness, in most cases … politeness supersedes. It is considered more important to avoid offense than to achieve clarity.” So, when you’re in a conversation which calls for directness, it helps to do a gut check. Ask yourself: am I sacrificing clarity for the sake of politeness? This can help you avoid veering into ambiguous, indirect territory.
How to be straightforward
Use ‘I’ statements: use the word “I” instead of “you,” suggests Bina Bird, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Texas. “Start your statements with ‘I’ and focus on your own thoughts and feelings about the situation,” she says. “This way you are not coming across as accusatory but are simply focusing on your own experience.”
Instead of saying, “You are always asking me to help volunteer on projects and you need to find someone else,” try something like, “I’m not going to be able to help out with the project. I have a lot going on and think it’s best that I don’t take on another project.” That response is polite, but still direct. All it takes is a simple “I.”
2. Being modest
Modesty is marked by a humble attitude and a desire to show kindness towards others. Here are three suggestions you could use if you want to be seen as someone modest when managing people.
- Use language that is positive and uplifting.Modest speech means refraining from vulgarity or negative language. Instead, a modest speaker is one who strives to be a positive role model for others.
- Resist the urge to brag about yourself.Modest people don’t let their wealth or accomplishments define them.
- Accept compliments without an ego.Accept a compliment graciously, but don’t not let it feed into your ego or make you think that you’re better than others.
3.Being Selfless
Striving for selflessness doesn’t mean forcing yourself to suffer; it simply means being considerate of others and fostering a desire to help others in some way. It involves being kind to others and thinking about how others feel and whether their needs are being met.
The most basic thing one can do to be selfless is to…
LISTEN MORE
Do you listen to others with the intent of understanding what they’re truly saying. Surprisingly, most don’t. They’re too busy listening to formulate a response.
Seek to understand what the other is saying to you. Your response is mostly secondary, and should be given only if asked for. For how can you contemplate performing a selfless act if you miss all the cues to rise to those occasions, because you were just not listening?
Conclusion
Applying the traits of Agreeableness – specifically, being straightforward, modest and reasonably selfless tends to bring out the best in people, who in turn will be willing to do what it takes to journey to the shores of high achievement, whatever form that may take.
Fail at this though, and high achievement might remain a pipe dream. Because you won’t have your people’s best work in your favor. High achievement is seldom a solo venture.
In the next lesson, we’ll explore the final skillset, i.e. cultivating an environment conducive for high achievement
Please take the quiz below to proceed.
