Empathy in Communication – II: Empathetic Listening

Characters
• Narrator:
• Boss
• Roshan: He is in a front facing role with customers
• Angel:

Pratap: (on the phone; angry) Roshan, come in to my cabin. Now!

Pratap: (does not bother with formalities) Roshan, this is the limit. I have just gotten off the phone with another one of your clients who is requesting cancellation of his account. He escalated because he didn’t want to talk to you. Apparently, your customer feels you couldn’t care less about their needs. I would have given you the benefit of doubt, if this wasn’t the third client in four months who wants nothing to do with you. Roshan, we’re no ordinary bank…(Pratap’s voice trails off…Kunal hangs his head down). I have assigned this customer to another relationship manager. [angry] If this happens again, Roshan, maybe you should consider moving on!

Roshan is seen walking back to his cubicle, shoulders drooping, head down. Suddenly, an angel appears behind him/before Roshan

Angel: Hey Roshan. Tough day, huh?

Roshan (startled out of his wits…stands): Huh…wha??..Who are you?

Angel: (laughs) Easy! I’m…well…an angel, quite obviously. I’m known by many names. Call me Wisdom, if you will.

(The angel continues)

Angel: I saw all that happened to you today.

Roshan: An angel, eh? Am I that bad at customer service, that an angel had to come down to intervene?

Angel: Yes. Kind of….(laughs) Just kidding…Just want to help out. And by the way, it’s not as bad as it looks.

Roshan: (frowns): Not as bad? Did you not hear my manager? It’s just a matter of time before I am given the pink slip.

Angel: Not if we can help it. But first, let’s face it…Pratap has a point. You really do come across as disinterested and unapproachable

Roshan: Yeah, but I’m trying. I really am. I want to do a good job here. I want to be great for my customers.

Angel: Yes. That’s true too. I’ve seen you work, Roshan. You mean well, but you’re making mistakes with your customers that a lot of people do. Your mistakes appear bigger because you deal with premium customers.

Roshan: What mistakes? Tell me…

Angel: I’ll do one better. I’ll show you.

(The Angel takes Roshan up on a cloud)

Angel: Let’s rewind to your last customer interaction.
Customer (is complaining abut something; looks irritated, but not angry; drones on for a bit) …. and that’s why I’m so worried, Roshan.

Roshan (seated with his arms and legs crossed, across the table from the customer. He is leaning backwards with his torso angled away. He looks at the customer with a shifty gaze, and keeps his eyes mostly glued to his laptop): Says nothing

Angel: Pause! See, right there. Look at that.

Roshan: Sorry, see what?

Angel: Look at the way you’re seated. Your closed body language and lack of eye contact makes it look like you are disinterested in what the customer is saying.

Roshan: That’s not true… I am interested… Look, I was looking at the customer’s account details on my laptop. The customer was complaining about our services. I can’t act all excited or stare the customer in such a situation, now can I?

Angel: Of course not! But look at yourself there and be honest, do you look like someone you’d be comfortable opening up and talking to?

Roshan: No, actually.

Angel: And why not?

Roshan: It’s my body language. I look super defensive with those crossed arms and legs. And leaning back like that, it’s almost like I’m hoping the customer goes away quickly. And it doesn’t look like I was listening to the customer at all. But I was listening. I heard every word, honest…

Angel: Of course, you did. But how was your customer to know that? You’re right about your body language. So, what could you have done to assure them you were on the same page as them, as far as your body language is concerned?

Roshan: I think I could start by leaning toward them and making eye contact. I could ensure arms are not crossed as it signals that I’m closed off and not really listening.

Angel: Fair enough! Let’s move on…

(The angel progresses through the conversation for a bit – this can be shown as fast forwarding..)

Angel: Now, Roshan, watch this next part very carefully…

Customer: It’s very difficult getting in touch with you. I…

Roshan: But my number is always on during work hours. And I respond to all missed calls and messages on priority. When did you try calling me?

(Roshan picks up his phone to check missed calls, and gets involved with something else entirely)

Customer: (clears his throat to gain Roshan’s attention) I didn’t. That’s the point. I can’t. Your working hours coincide with mine. I generally work pretty late, so I can’t call you after work either. As for the weekends,…

(Roshan puts down his phone and leans back, away from the customer, now looking at his laptop after a microsecond look at the customer)

Roshan: Huh? Oh…Yes, Sir. We don’t work weekends. Company policy. (looks at customer) Have you tried contacting me on email?

Customer: (sighs) I can’t access personal emails during work hours.

Roshan: Why don’t you use your official email ID then?

Customer: Official email Ids are monitored, Roshan. I don’t want my financial dealings to be exposed to anyone.

Roshan: It’s no big deal, Sir. Lots of clients correspond with us on official IDs…(looks into his laptop screen again)

Customer (starting to get a little annoyed): I don’t care. I don’t want to correspond with you using my official email

Roshan: Okay. No need to get upset, Sir. Send me an email from your personal ID after work hours? I’ll respond to you the next day.

Customer (sighing): Which means a normal transaction which should take a matter of minutes, will be stretched into days. You see, Roshan, it’s why I said it’s very difficult to get in touch with you.

Angel: Pause! What was wrong there?

Roshan: You mean with me? I can’t really say. I responded to the customer’s complaint as best as I could.

Angel: Really? Did you notice the part there where the customer got a little annoyed with you?

Roshan: Yes, I did this time, but I have to admit, I didn’t catch it the first time.

Angel: Okay, why do you think the customer got annoyed?

Roshan: I kept interrupting him, I guess. And I appeared distracted with my laptop and phone.

Angel: You’re right about appearing distracted. Why did you feel the need to interrupt though? Why didn’t you just let him go on?

Roshan: I wanted to share my point of view, troubleshoot the problem and share my thoughts right then. At the start, I was very unsure what this customer wanted, but now I was confident it wasn’t my fault. So, I jumped right in even though the customer had not completed what he was saying.

Angel: And in doing so…

Roshan: I missed out on key information. I didn’t see them getting annoyed. And I doubt that the point of that conversation was me being unavailable. If the customer came to the branch to see me face to face, he probably had something more important on his mind…

Angel: You’re catching on fast. So, what will you do the next time.

Roshan: I think I’ll treat the first few minutes as precious. The best thing to do is set aside all distractions like phones and computers. After the conversation starts, I’ll just listen. I’ll say nothing, even if the customer is complaining. I’ll offer verbal nods where needed, like ‘um-hmm’, or ‘I see. Please continue’. And I’ll watch their expressions for cues on what they’re feeling.

Angel: That’s good. Quick question, though: when should you jump in and say what you want to?

Roshan: When the customer has finished speaking, of course.

Angel: And how will you know when they’ve finished speaking?

Roshan: ….(Blank stare)

Angel: (Smiles) Watch this:
1. The customer sighs, followed by silence, and then looks at Roshan
2. The customer asks Roshan, “What do you think”

Angel: When people are ready to listen to you, they’ll tell you one way or another.

Roshan: That makes sense. I’ll look for these cues that the speaker has finished expressing themselves.

Angel: Excellent! With this out of the way, we come to the next crucial bit. The grey area between listening and actively responding.

Roshan: ——-(Blank stare) – uh? Grey area where?

Angel: I’ll explain. Watch this…

The Angel fast-forwards the conversation to a point at the end of the conversation

Customer: I’m not sure about going ahead with your suggestion. I know it’s a premium brand, but I’m not sure if this bank is for me.

Roshan: Fine. I understand. If you change your mind at any time, please feel free to call me. Is there anything else I can do for you today?

Customer: (nods sideways and says without smiling): No. Thank you. (and gets up to leave)

The angel looks at Roshan.

Roshan (winces): Seeing this as I am from an outside perspective, that looks terrible.

Angel: Go on…

Roshan: I took the customer’s comment as an insult and got defensive. That was wrong. He was just stating his point of view – something all customers are permitted to. I ended the conversation there, when in fact that should have been the starting point for me. And I asked him to call me (winces again) after he specifically said at the start that he was having trouble getting me on the phone. (sighs) Now, I’m not surprised he wanted to close his account.

Angel: True. You said something interesting though…something about you ending the conversation when it should have been a starting point?

Roshan: Yes. I should have been curious about why they felt unsure.

Angel: And?

Roshan: Well, I should have asked them that. I should have said something like ‘I hear you when you say you’re not sure about my suggestion. Is there something specific that concerns you?’ ‘You said this bank is not for you. What experiences have led you to believe that?
I should have probed for content and context – what is the customer saying, why are they saying it.

Angel: Very good. See, I told you at the start. You’re not as bad as you say you are. Just negligent. Let’s recap everything you learned today.

Roshan: Yes. At the start of every conversation, I should
1. Use body language to convey that I am listening intently
2. Say nothing, just listen to the other person
3. Look for cues that the speaker has finished expressing himself/herself
4. Probe to understand content and context of what the speaker has said

Angel: And that in a nutshell is empathetic listening. Well done, Roshan.

Roshan: You are wisdom, indeed. Thank you for coming to my rescue.

Angel: Don’t thank me just yet. Let’s see if you’re able to put all you’ve learned today into practice tomorrow. Go home now and get some rest. I’ll see you here in the morning.

(the angel vanishes)

The next day, the previous customer who was assigned to another relationship manager, comes to Roshan first thing in the morning to close off some pending discussions.
Before the conversation begins, the angel is seen standing over Roshan’s shoulder. Roshan looks back and the angel smiles at him and nods.
The conversation begins. Roshan does a bang up job (animated conversation seen). The customer smiles broadly, shakes hands with Roshan, and walks out.
Roshan looks back and the angel gives him a thumbs up.