2. Phases of a Negotiation – II

Once an environment of mutual respect has been established, a meaningful dialogue to arrive at a truly collaborative solution to any given conflict situation can begin.
You know that there are six markers essential for arriving at successful collaborative outcomes, when the stakes are high. It is important that you understand the relevance of each of the six markers, and how to navigate through each them comfortably.
With that goal in mind, we will now look at the first of the six markers in depth. We start with…
1. Create a safe, respectful environment conducive to mutual dialogue:
Sometimes others feel disrespected even though we haven’t done anything disrespectful. Perceived insults are entirely unintended. You start by innocently sharing your views, but the other party believes that your intention is to bulldoze or manipulate them into accepting your opinion. Here, an apology is neither appropriate nor effective. It would be counterproductive to admit you were wrong when you weren’t. That would make you look very pretentious indeed. And you really don’t want to lose people’s trust in conversations like these.
So how then do you create an environment safe and conducive to mutual dialogue?
How to make it safe
A skill called ‘Contrasting’ is invaluable in creating a safe environment. And it lends itself to a pre-emptive approach, i.e. you don’t have to wait till someone’s dignity is threatened.
‘Contrasting’ is a do/don’t statement that:
• Addresses others’ concerns that you don’t respect them or have malicious intent (the ‘don’t’ part)
• Confirms your respect or clarifies your real purpose (the do part)
For example:
The don’t part: “What I don’t mean to do is communicate in any way that I don’t value the work that you have put into this project
The do part: “What I really do want to say is that your work here has been nothing short of spectacular.”
Another way to create a safe, respectful environment is to give people permission to feel the way they do. Here’s how Sanjana tackled this marker in the video:
Insert clip.
02:01 However, As I was saying, we got this assignment because we are neutral parties to this situation. What I’d like to…
Right up to
02:46 Sanjana: (Smiling gently. In a genuine tone, but not sounding ‘motherly’ or condescending): Dinesh, I hear you (pause for 1 second) when you say that in our organisation people bully and manipulate others to get their way. And your experiences are real. So, what you are feeling is perfectly legitimate. However, I have a small request to make, which I’d like you to consider. May I share it with you? (stop here)
Sanjana did something very interesting here. Through her words, she has created a safe, respectful environment conducive for dialogue. She has made it safe for Dinesh to feel the way he does, and has let him know that he is entitled to his opinions and his emotions. In the absence of this, agitated people will feel obliged to defend and justify their negative emotions, and thereby get aggressive. This in turn will hijacking rational thought and objective action. Not the best place to be as far as conflict resolution is concerned.
There are two other things you’d do well to pay close attention to i.e. your body language and your tone of voice. You’re already on thin ice to begin with. The last thing you want to do is stomp around and throw your weight around. Face the person squarely, maintain open palm gestures that indicate you have nothing to hide, and maintain eye contact. Avoid crossing your arms either in front of your chest or behind your back, pointing fingers and averting eye contact.
Make sure your tone of voice is pleasant and audible. High pitched tones denote irritation and impatience. And speak in a slow, even pace. Too fast and you’ll come across as nervous and unsure. Too slow and you’ll come across as being patronising.
A safe environment, once established, will help all parties focus on objective considerations. With their dignity safeguarded, they won’t be on the offensive or the defensive. It’s a good place to start when it comes to engaging in conflict conversations.
Once a safe environment is established, you can seamlessly move to the next segment of the dialogue.
In Summary
A successful outcome of any conflict resolution conversation depends upon one’s ability to lead such conversations through six markers. The first marker we looked at was:
Create a safe, respectful environment conducive to mutual dialogue: where we looked at ‘contrasting’, a carefully crafted do/don’t statement, that lets people know that your intentions are not malicious, and that you hold them in high regard.
We also explored the need to get people to feel safe expressing their emotions and opinions, especially if they are of a negative or debatable nature.
In the next lesson, we’ll examine the next marker in detail. For now, please take the accompanying quiz.